Pants 0. Shit 1.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
