Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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