Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
