I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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