In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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