connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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