I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
