You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
