It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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