ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize