The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize