I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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