evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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