she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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