Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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