Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
