Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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