I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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