shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
