I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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