This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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