I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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