is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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