watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
