Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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