he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
