is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
