i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
