i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
