I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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