Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
