So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
