Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
