I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
