she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Shame - the story of my life.
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