dude i'm inner monologue high
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
