Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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