why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Vodka?
Forever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize