She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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