I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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