i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
