I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
