Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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