The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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