i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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