he shaved USA in his pubs
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
