Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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