New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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