I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
