porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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