so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Randomize
