First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Someone shattered a urinal.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
