im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
