I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
