I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was CRYING into my vagina
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
