I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
