Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
