If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
