don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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