Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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