Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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