I just saw a hot homeless man
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
