I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sarcasm needs its own font
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
