3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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