what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
