wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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