8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
