The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
