i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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