Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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