I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
