nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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