Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
