if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
