I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
