Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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