This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
