Don't make out with my wife yet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
