who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
