You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize