My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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