I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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