you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think i have two assholes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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