does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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